Intimacy and Pleasure
Put a Little Love in Your Heart
by Sheila Unique

In the beginning of November, 2008, Oprah Winfrey had a show on television totally dedicated to sex. She had a therapist talk about all aspects of this topic and I found it startling to hear her say that 1 in 5 married couples (40 million) live in a sexless marriage. She also said that more than half of men and women are not satisfied in their sexual relationships. If this is what’s happening in the USA, to some extent it must be happening in Canada. With those statistics, it made me wonder what is blocking people from participating and enjoying the art of lovemaking? Where do people lose that connection in their partnerships?

The area of relationships has always interested me. What makes us do the things we do? Let’s look at our own partnerships. Are you and your partner as close as you would like to be? Are you able to give and receive pleasure from each other? Is this an area in which you would like things to be better? Generally speaking, people don’t openly talk about their sex life. Whatever it is that is preventing you from having the intimacy that you long for, according to the statistics above, you are not alone.

Most people would say they have problems because of their busy schedules. Along with their full-time job, they have the children to take care of, the housework to do, the meetings to attend, and family issues to settle. The list can go on. By the end of the day, there isn’t any time left, let alone any energy to give or receive our partners. When you think about it, if there was going to be a fun group getting together on Friday night, you would make time for it; you would want to be a part of it. What is really missing or what is really blocking you from taking that time to be with your partner?

Time in your day may not be the only issue. There can be some other aspects to consider that could be keeping you from being close. Relationships with close friends can be one area to look at. If you have friends that you share everything with, you may feel closer to them than your own partner. This can create some distance between you and your partner. Other areas include how you feel about your body or the body of your partner, touch, rejection, and so on. There can be many reasons why we don’t participate.

When things have been going on for a long time, we can tend to accept them as the norm. We lose sight of what that closeness can feel like. If you would like to see changes in your partnership, think of what it is you would like to change. What would you like to see more of? Be really honest with yourself. Once you have identified what it is, how can you bring those changes about? Look at making time for yourself. Are your needs being met? Can you communicate them to your partner? Are there any blocks to communicating? Your partner may not even know what you are feeling. Break it down into smaller pieces. The wonderful thing about knowing what you want is you can make changes for the better. It may even be about finding balance in your life. Little by little you can bring that spark back into your partnership.

If you are feeling you are not as close to your partner as you once were, how about starting with a 10-second kiss every day. When you don’t have time in your schedule it can be as simple as taking 10 seconds either in the morning or last thing at night. Just be present with them. It may seem long at first but you may come to appreciate the little bit of time you can connect with your partner again. It doesn’t have to lead to being intimate. See what happens. Imagine looking forward to the next time your partner comes close to you.

Sheila Unique is a Certified Yuen Method Practitioner who lives in Regina. She enjoys working on all aspects of relationships. Along with coaching, she uses an energetic approach to help you clear through whatever is holding you back from participating or even experiencing satisfaction in the area of intimacy and pleasure. She does private and group sessions. To contact her, phone (306) 543-4804/541-7275 or email sunique@sasktel.net, and visit www.UniqueEnergy.ca. Also see the display ad on page 22 of the 14.6 March/April issue of the WHOLifE Journal.